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The Abundance is Coming {Coffee Break}

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Joy Comes in the Morning

It’s been over a week since my last coffee break, when I shared about my struggles of waiting through our adoption process. I wish I could say things are better; that we got news or I’ve learned how to cope. But it just isn’t true. I think I keep trying to pretend like I have no expectations and that I’m just done.  But I won’t give up. I just continue to wait and deal with the dagger of no news with every passing day.

My hope is hanging on by a thread.

That thread is the promise of God, and though it’s just a thread, it’s a strong thread. It’s a thread that may not give me answers up front, but still holds the answer. And right now I struggle to focus on anything but getting that answer. Because the answer should come at any time, but that time just fails to ever come.

And there are other times I think, “I have absolutely no rights to these girls. None whatsoever.” The reality is, choosing to adopt wasn’t something to fulfill some desire or hole we lacked. I even hesitate to tell you God told us to adopt, because it seems like that’s becoming a fad and we didn’t adopt because “that’s what Christians should do”. No, it was very personal. It wasn’t something our pastor told us we should do (regardless of whether God told us). It wasn’t something that guilt drove us to.

It was simply God and Him alone. Though we may be able to spout off “reason”, I cannot say with certainty those are the reasons God asked us to adopt. So, since this was His idea, who am I to try and take control of what He’s started?! The girls are HIS girls and though He has called us to be their family, never once did He ask us to run the show for Him. Never once did He hand over ownership; but stewardship.

But I still cannot focus on anything but hearing news that we can move on to the next step. That can’t be healthy. But I feel like I’m paralyzed; like I can’t breathe. I feel like our break through is so close, I’m holding my breath. But it never comes.

I’ve found myself uncomfortable when I try to push a time frame on God on when *I* want them home. I cannot pray, “Lord, I am asking and believing that we will get an answer this week.” Instead I can only pray, “Lord, sustain me.”

Sometimes I feel like a spoiled child, whining to God because I’m not getting my way. This adoption is not about me.

Last week I was reading the Bible and God spoke several things to me.

It started in Hebrews, with,

“Endure hardship as discipline” (Hebrews 12:7).

OK. Wow, Lord, so we’re being disciplined?

It goes on to say,

“We have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness.” (Hebrews 12:9-10)

That’s a lot to take in, but it surely makes sense! I need to submit and recognize that God knows what He’s doing. That He’s refining me through the fire, and yes, sometimes it hurts.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

The abundance is coming. I must rest in that. I must submit to Him. I must keeping walking, one foot in front of the other.

Though the sorrow may last for the night, joy comes with the morning! Psalm 30:5b

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Comments

  1. I have prayed that same prayer myself, of Lord sustain me because I could literally not do it myself. And He always did. I’m sure that He is doing that for you as well during your wait.

  2. I will be praying for you during this waiting period. We have several friends waiting on adoptions. The waiting game is such torture. God moves mountains. Praying He will move this mountain and bring those girls home to your arms soon!

  3. Waiting is so very, very hard! We are also waiting, not for children but for a bigger house for the children God has already given us. I love the verses you shared about discipline. Our society looks at discipline as punishment for wrong doing but I think those verses are referring to discipline more in the context of gaining skill in something. Like an Olympic gymnast exercises discipline to practice his routines and not eat junk food. Or a professional musician practices his instrument over and over. God uses discipline to teach us and train us to be like Christ. That doesn’t make it easy though!

    • I agree. I see discipline in that same light. No, it isn’t easy, but I am thankful to see God’s love poured out for us in this way. He loves us enough to not leave us where we are, but to grow us. But it IS painful!

  4. I pray that God will wrap you in His arms and hold you as you wait for His timing. Waiting is so hard and sometimes so painful but just know that at the end it will be worth the wait when you finally get to bring those girls home. Sometimes we may get impatient but God knows why He makes us wait, He has a plan and we have to trust Him. He knows what we can handle and will never put more on us than we can bare. Hang in there girl, Those girls are coming home soon!

  5. I think you’re amazing and this is beautiful and I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. Can’t wait to hug you at Allume, friend.

  6. My dear sister, let me also reassure you that the “harvest of righteousness and peace” that is being ripened in your life right now (and the lives of your other waiting family members) is something that will need to be in place once the adoption is complete. You will be so glad that the Lord did this FIRST – you will need these tools for raising these girls. Our God is so big and so loving… He wouldn’t make you wait for no reason. When He’s done this to me, He knows I wouldn’t “pay attention” to His lesson if there wasn’t something I really wanted just on the other side of it….

    • See, my head knows all this…walking it out in faith is what’s SO hard. Thank you for your encouragement. I do believe the wait is NOT in vain.

  7. I read this post yesterday, and then this morning I read the following paragraph in my “Streams in the Desert” devotional. I knew I had to come back over and share it with you:
    “Many times God’s execution will seem so contradictory to the plan He gave. He will seem to work against Himself. Simply listen, obey and trust God even when it seems highest folly to do so. He will in the end make “all things work together,” but so many times in the first appearance of the outworking of His plans, “In His own world He is content to play a losing game.” So if you would know His voice, obey even when he asks you to move in the dark. He Himself will be gloriously light in you.” ~From Streams in the Desert
    I hope that will encourage you as it did me, but for different reasons. Looking forward to connecting with you at Allume. :)

    • Wow, Leah. Thank you so much. This part—> “God will seem to work against Himself” makes a lot of sense right now. Because I know God’s promise is sure, yet here we are waiting and waiting and waiting, as if God is “working against Himself”. But I know better then that. I know better then to believe that God will go back on His promise.

      Thank you, thank you! I have that devotional so I pulled it out to read the whole thing and it is really speaking to me.

  8. We’re not adopting (yet :)) but we are trying to sell our house so we can move to the church we believe God has called us to work with. We keep reexamining options and praying and seeking and yet the house doesn’t sell. All this to say, I empathize with you. It could happen at any moment, but it isn’t. That’s frustrating. I was looking at the meaning of patience the other day, it means to wait cheerfully. That’s a tall order

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