We got word this week that we are ready to move into the next major step of our adoption. This is one of the longest expected waits before we can bring our girls home. The news was exciting amidst the cloud covering of sickness we’ve all been experiencing here. It was a bit of a refreshing to hear some good news.

The day we received the news, I had trouble sleeping that night. I couldn’t help but think of how hard it might be for these precious girls to leave behind all they know and move to an unknown land. We may know this in the best interest of their future, but they don’t see through that lens. I honestly don’t know yet what lens they are looking through. We know a tiny piece of their history, but I don’t know what that looks like through their eyes.

And I can’t help but think, “How can I possibly do anything to help these girls adjust to such a huge change?” They hardly know me! What makes them think they can trust me after dealing with loss in their own life? How do they really feel about having us pull them from everything they know; even if it isn’t ideal?

Who am I? Who am I to think I can do anything to help these two girls grow and thrive in a new culture with a new family? I am nobody with no special skills. Heck, sometimes I don’t even think I can adequately care for and raise the children I have. I am overwhelmed at the thought of trying to comfort girls who will see me as a stranger to them.

Will what we have to offer be enough to turn around the loss and trauma, even if relatively small, they’ve experienced in their short time on earth?

Simply put, no.

No, I do not have enough to give. No, I will not be enough. No, I do not have the skills that some professionals have to understand how a child’s past effects them. I do not fully understand all the neurological effects that lack of attachement, loss, or trauma cause to the human brain, thus making it more difficult to function in a society “normally.”

I am not enough.

But God?

God is more than enough. He is able to pull my new daughter’s out of miry clay and set their feet upon the Rock. A saying that once was so cliche to me suddenly has new meaning.

He can use my husband and I, and even our children, to meet the very difficult needs of two precious girls He cherishes.

I cannot do anything without his equipping. Anything they need He can provide to them through whatever means He deems necessary. For a season, it looks as if He will be using us. All I need to do is be open and ready and willing.

I can rest knowing that God didn’t call me to do this because He thought I was adequate. He called simply because I was willing.

It’s a scary thing to be willing. But I have no greater peace being exactly where God wants me.

More on how He’s called me to simplify, next week.

When we met our girls, it wasn’t a fireworks moment. It wasn’t filled with tears of happiness and joy and lots of hugs. It wasn’t an emotionally charged rite of passage at all.

C, who’s about 8, was extremely shy. Being shy certainly isn’t a bad thing. I’ve had shy children who have blossomed. But it took every day we were there to chip away at the wall she had built up for whatever reason. It could be simply personality or it could be a coping mechanism. We were assured that her shyness existed before we ever did, so the behavior wasn’t unusual.

Yes, they were smiling here!

Many adoptive families share about the first moments with their children being picture perfect with hugs and smiles. I spent our first moments with C in an awkward stoop trying to see her face and think of something comforting to say.

I was just as nervous as she was.

M had a pretty outgoing personality. She would make goofy faces for the camera and laugh and kind of play “hard to get.” Which was again confirmed by the orphanage workers was her normal self.

When we hugged the girls, they would stiffen. Not sure if this is personal or cultural or simply a lack of attachment issue. Some days I left very encouraged by some of the progress we made, especially with C. But a day or two I left very discouraged and worried about bringing the girls to a new country.

I learned that subconsciously, I myself am holding back a bit–and maybe for the same reason C is…I’m afraid to become attached and then lose them. But I worry for them as well.

I don’t expect the transition from an orphanage to a family–from a third world country to the U.S.–to be an easy transition. Not at all.

And what I’m remembering about love, is that it is not an emotion. So just because I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside about how things are progressing does not mean I don’t love these girls. Oh how I love them. It’s the action of love that is love itself. It’s in the sacrifice that love shines through.

The  best way to understand God’s word is to live it. And I’m beginning to understand Romans 12:1 in a whole new way:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.” (NIV1984)

There is such an overwhelming peace and comfort walking in God’s will–even when you don’t understand everything or have all the answers. I couldn’t think of a better way to live my life than to lay it down for others.

That doesn’t necessarily mean to go run out in front of a car to save someone else’s life (though that could be included!). But rather, lay down the life you are living to help someone else. There are a million different ways to do this, and this is what God has specifically called us to.

So, while I don’t have endless amounts of butterflies in my stomach, I do have endless amounts of peace from God on the path He has called us to. God is teaching me about a deeper kind of love and it gives me a small glimpse into His love for us.

You’ve probably noticed things have been quiet around here. Last week we were in Ghana and we met our precious girls for the first time. It was my first international trip. Ever. Our first night in a hotel in Ghana, I was culture shocked and very intimidated. I wondered what we had gotten ourselves into and didn’t want to leave the hotel room if we didn’t have to.

{First Hotel Room}

{View from hotel balcony}

The next day we had a private driver take us to where our girls are, which is about 3 hours away. Once there, we checked in to another hotel and stayed the week there.

{Second hotel room}

{View from hotel entrance}

Upon first meeting our girls, the youngest, C, was very, very shy. It definitely took some breaking down of walls during the week (one brick at a time) to get C to open up to us. It wasn’t that she was rejecting us, she was just extremely shy and this was confirmed by the orphanage director and the many volunteers who help there.

M, on the other hand was very playful and goofy with us! When she first saw me she smiled big and ran up and hugged me right away. I definitely wasn’t expecting that!

Since the girls were in school, we didn’t see them very  much. They reached the orphanage after school by 3:30pm and by 5pm we had to start heading back to our hotel room before it reached dark (which hits around 6-6:30pm). It is advised that we don’t walk anywhere after dark. Since some of our journey back requires walking, we had to be firm about our leaving at 5pm.

One day we went up to the school in hopes of being able to sit in class with each of the girls, but we were more of a distraction to ALL the children than anything and thought it better not to disrupt the school day.

{Playing “High Five” with some of the children during recess at school}

I rather liked the school. It was like an old, eighteenth century schoolhouse. The children used chalkboard slates and the desks were beautifully crafted from wood and happily situated in each classroom.

{School building from the porch. There are 4 class rooms, green doors on the right.}

Although I don’t exactly have a ton of experience with different orphanages, I have heard many horror stories about different orphanages. Based on what we experienced and what we know of this orphanage, the conditions are not terrible at all. The workers and director are very adamant about the children attending school each day and they thrive on routine.

Even us being there for a visit threw off their routine a bit and the workers were slightly hesitant about our presence there. Not to say we weren’t welcome, we were! But they were particular about when we could do certain things such as distribute donations and snacks and such. I commend this because the children thrive on routine. It’s a very important foundation, especially for these children.

{Girls Room–our girls sleep in that first bunk.}

Our girls seem to be pretty numb to any kind of affection. From what I gathered, they are simply foreign to the concept. There is literally one person who cares for the children the majority of the time and that is the Maa of the orphanage. Twenty-six children to one caregiver.  There isn’t much room for one-on-one connection let alone affection.

We also noticed there was a lack of affection among the people–at least in public. We never saw a husband and wife holding hands or hug. In fact, it was rare to even see a husband and wife together. 

Overall, the experience was positive and eye-opening. Though it wasn’t what I expected, it is teaching me much–including how our emotions should not lead us. More on that tomorrow…

**If you would like to make a donation to help us bring our girls home, please visit here to see how you can help…

P.S. Thank you to everyone who has made a donation to help us bring the girls home! We will be going back in about 4 months or so to bring them home. We are still in need of funding to cover our travel costs. 

I want to offer you an opportunity to be a BIG part of helping us get our sweet girls home in the next few months. We need the funds to pay the remainder of our adoption fees and to travel to bring them home.

Last month we did two fundraisers through our church over three weeks and raised $1,900. We did a bake sale for two weeks and had a Tim Hawkins comedy night where we charged $10 per person, asked everyone to bring a two liter of pop, and we provided pizza (our local pizza joint gave us a 75% discount!). Tim Hawkins’ people also gave us permission.

There are a few different ways to help and any and all is appreciated, so don’t think anything is too small.

A couple years ago I read a neat little book called, She Did What She Could and one section talked about Mary with the alabaster jar, pouring perfume/oil on Jesus’ feet, because that’s all she could do for Him. The premise of the book is that if we all did what we could rather than being paralyzed by what we wish we could do (and then doing nothing), it makes a huge impact.

Don’t worry if you cannot offer financial support. Instead:

• Share about Blog at Home Mom–all profit from that goes directly to our adoption. Selling 2500 books will help us reach our goal. I have a bar graph in my sidebar showing the progress of that. It’s moving slow, but I know God can move mountains!
• Offer prayer support–being covered in prayer is a true gift indeed and should not be taken lightly or underestimated.
• Share this post with others using the share buttons at the end of this post for Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. (There’s a Pin button at the top of the post as well)

If you can offer financial support, don’t worry if it can’t be more than $5. God can stretch your $5, and next persons $5. If everyone who is subscribed to Joyful Mothering donated $5, that would give us over $9,500! See how a little can go a long way?

• You can purchase my eBook, Blog at Home Mom
• You can purchase ad space for your blog button or eBook for only $10 per month (email me at christinwrites at gmail dot com to reserve your place for next month)
• You can simply make a donation (details below)

As of now, we need about $3,000.

I humbly ask because we cannot do this alone. We need the body of Christ to surround us and help us. I understand that asking for money is extremely touchy and personal. I totally get that. But know that your donation is an investment. It doesn’t get spent on personal desires, but in Kingdom work. It’s invested into two girls who quite literally have no one loving on them and no future where they are at.

If you would like to make a donation, you can do so by going directly through Paypal and sending a “Personal Gift” using my email { christinwrites at gmail dot com } to avoid Paypal fees. If you don’t have a Paypal account, no problem!! You can send a direct donation by clicking here. In order to donate without a Paypal account, click the “continue” link in the bottom, left column.

I have a “Donate Now” button in my sidebar that will also take you there.

Let’s link arms….because we can’t do this alone.

This post contains an affiliate link. Thank you for your support!

Before we applied at our agency, we did extensive research on international adoption from Africa and the different countries within Africa that allowed it. We did heavy research for several months and connected with many families who had been through the process.

It is so important to know what is involved in adopting internationally. Things are not as black and white or as cut and dry as it would seem. There is a real issue of child trafficking that prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) must, must, must be aware of and educated on.

What is child trafficking? Even I wasn’t clear on what this term meant until we started investigating international adoptions. Child trafficking in adoption is the recruitment of a child for the purpose of adoption. A family can be persuaded to pay someone to give their child or children up to be adopted out, or they don’t fully understand what adoption is and people take advantage of that. They are somehow bribed or persuaded to relinquish their child or children through money or other promises.

In essence, it’s a form of kidnapping. As a prospective adoptive parent, you want to educate yourself thoroughly on signs of child trafficking and what red flags to look for. I’ll write more about that in another post.

So, when you search out an agency, you want to be certain they have a good track record of doing legal adoptions. You also want to make certain they have solid experience in the country they are working in. Lack of experience can lead to problems or serious delays.

The agency’s role is to assist families with adoption. They help you through the process, educating you, guiding you through paperwork, and answering any questions you may have. They also work with the non-government organization (NGO) in the country you’re adopting from, exchanging information and making the legal process happen.

When we narrowed our findings down to two agencies, God spoke clearly to me on which one we should go with. We were confident and at complete peace with our choice. We had connected with a wonderful woman there who was the Ghana program coordinator. She is knowledgeable in adopting from Ghana because she and her husband adopted 2 children from Ghana and she had been working with adoptive families for several years.

Things were going very well for several months. We paid our fees. We completed our home study. We were put on the waiting list for a referral. The wait was at least one year just to get a referral. Then another year before they would come home. This is not unusual.

Unfortunately, things started going south with our agency and their ethics were brought into question. I was baffled. This was supposed to be one of the best agencies out there. They had a long track record of being honest and ethical. But, they had some staff changes over the summer we signed on and things seemed to be going downhill.

We then get an email from the Ghana coordinator stating she is resigning. This concerned us a great deal because she was someone we had grown to trust and believed full well that God had put her in our path for such a time as this. And with the agencies ethics already in question, who could we trust?

The next thing we know, we get an email stating the instability of the Ghana program and the agency’s need to shut it down, encouraging us instead to choose one of their other programs (or countries) they worked in. This simply was not an option for us. We knew beyond doubt God called us to Ghana.

The next day we receive another email stating that everyone misread the previous email and that the Ghana program wasn’t closing, but it was definitely going through some transitions. At this point we were already discussing plans to pull out and adopt independently. The details of the situation began to show themselves and it became very clear that in order for us to pursue an ethical adoption with people we could trust, we had to leave our agency.

So, in September, we pulled out from working with our agency to complete our adoption semi-independently. We aren’t at all alone because that trusted Ghana coordinator? Yea, she works with some pretty amazing people on the Ghana side and they all agreed to help some families complete their adoptions. Us included.

Changing things up in this way moved us from being number 24 on the waiting list with our agency to being number 4 on a new list of families who were compelled to leave that same agency.

Over the weeks some more issues unfolded with that agency and God just confirmed over and over that we did the right thing by leaving.

I admit, this did make my husband and I raise questions about why God lead us to this agency in the first place. But the answer became more and more clear. He wanted to connect us with the Ghana coordinator there and the people she is working with on the Ghana side. They are very ethical and work to help the children–where international adoption is the very last resort once all other options have been exhausted.

They have an excellent track record and are known and highly respected in Ghana. We have no doubts God has us exactly where He wants us.

Choosing an agency absolutely requires extensive research and lots of prayer. I’ll share in the future what exactly you’re researching and what kinds of questions to ask a potential agency before signing on with them.

Not all agencies are bad. But it does require quite a weeding out to find those few gems.

Last month I shared how we were sending care packages over to our girls with a family who was traveling to Ghana. Not only did they take photos of the presentation, but they also had someone video the whole thing. Oh what a sweet gift it was to see our precious girls connect with us for the first time!

I imagine what must have gone through their minds. I’m sure they were struck with uncertainty and fear mixed with a bit of excitement. Maybe they don’t fully comprehend what is going on, yet maybe they do have a firm grasp on it.

All I know is now that they know about us and what we look like, and it keeps me wondering–do they think about us? Do they imagine a different life? Are they happy where they are? Many of their pictures suggest they are happy.

I hope and pray they will be happy here, too. All we want to do is love on them, give them people to call family, and offer them an opportunity. An opportunity for a life they may not have otherwise had–not necessarily because of where they live, but because of their own history which is no fault of their own.

I am actually completely open to the idea that when they are grown women, they may go home to their native land to help the people there. It would certainly be a noble calling!! And maybe we may just go with them! Hey, the thought doesn’t seem so far fetched from where I’m standing.

Whatever the case, God has placed such a love in my heart for these precious girls that it aches to be apart from them. He’s teaching me something here, about His love for me.

Adoption is not far from any of us. We are all adopted children–loved just as deeply as God’s own Son is loved by Him. Even when we are far from Him, it cannot stop His love for us. Feeling what that’s like really helps me to understand it better.

So as we wait and pray through the months ahead, God is teaching me about His love for me in the most tangible and deep way through this adoption. We pray for our hearts to be prepared and that the hearts of these precious girls would be also. But I do not want to miss what He has for me during the process of waiting.

{Interested in helping to support our adoption? We are in need of about $6,000 for traveling. If you would like to make a donation, you can click here. Thank you!}

Upon hearing the news of the referral for our two daughters, we proceeded to gather items together to send them each a care package–perfect to be received right before Christmas!

We sent the packages with a family who is traveling to Ghana and are hoping so much that they will actually be able to deliver them personally and get a few snapshots for us.

Here’s a picture of the packages ready to go:

Included in each are:

• a photo album of us and our home
• headbands
• band aids
• pencils and pens
• crayons
• a cute notebook with lined paper
• stickers
• embroidery thread

In the notebook I wrote each girl a simple letter letting them know how excited we are to welcome them into our family and how much we love them.

I also put together a bag of goodies for the other children in the orphanage that included

• crayons
• small legal pads
• LOTS of embroidery thread
• two decks of playing cards
• lots of pens and pencils

Because we want them to know they are special and loved, too. Most of the children in this orphanage are teenagers and may never have a chance at being adopted into a forever family.

It’s so amazing to see a glimpse of what God does because it compels me to act. I just can’t look at the faces of these children and not be changed or moved to action.

The other night I was laying in bed and the faces of our new daughters flashed in my mind and I thought, “Wow, I really miss them”. But wait? How can I miss someone I’ve never even met?!

I don’t even understand it fully! The only explanation there is is God planting and rooting love for His people in my heart. I know my heart longs for them to be with us and have a family they can belong to. It won’t be as easy as just “plugging” them into our family and moving on with life. They may not know affection or they may crave it constantly. They won’t be familiar with our culture or climate. The transition may even cause some sickness as their bodies adjust.

The life they lived before they come here will not be forgotten and cannot be removed–but God can use it to shape their future. We are preparing not for a year or two of transition, but for a lifelong one. Though we walk the road of uncertainty, we grab God’s hand and let Him lead us, by faith.

Would you pray for the process and our hearts to be prepared? We desperately need people who will pray for us. To pray for things we may not think of and to pray for us when we are too weak to stand or too tired to battle. Adoption is beautiful, but Satan hates it.

Thank you for your ongoing support. It means more to me than I could ever express.

Yesterday I posted about my crazy emotions on our adoption. It also found me seeking out and sharing other posts on adoption.

Last night we received the call for our referral.

This morning, we accepted the referral for two sisters–Gretta and Crisha*. Gretta is 9 and Crisha 7 and they are just the most beautiful, wide-eyed girls.

The wave of emotions that came over me upon receiving the news was elated and terrified; overjoyed and overwhelmed! Will they like us? Do they want to be part of a family? Even if it means moving to an entirely different continent? Are they anticipating a family as much as we are anticipating making them a part of ours?

Will I be able to handle unusual behavior due to their unusual circumstances? Oh, but it all goes back to God, doesn’t it? Because I don’t need to be able for God to call me. I just need to be willing.

It is in my weakness that Christ will  be shown strong and glorious!

Will you pray for them? That God would prepare their hearts for the coming change? And ours, too?

Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this journey though I haven’t had much to say up until now. There really wasn’t much to share as we were going through the paperwork ordeal.

While we anticipate their homecoming, I’d like to be more intentional about sharing some things about adoption with you. You don’t have to be interested in adopting into your family to support adoption. There are lots of ways you can be part of an adoption, even if you are unable to adopt.

Here’s an excellent post sharing just a few ways. I look forward to sharing more with you in the future!

*Names have been changed to protect their identity until they are legally ours.

As our adoption continues to progress at a pretty decent pace (we are at the top of the list now for a referral), sometimes my heart has tried betraying me into thinking,

“Can you really do this?”

“Are you sure the timing is right?”

Fear has attempted to cripple me more than once. There have been numerous times I have started a post to share an update, but left it incomplete. How do I share of what I do not yet know?

All I know right now is anticipation, timeline,s and lots of paperwork. Actually, it reminds me a lot of being pregnant. The emotions are quite similar. There’s excitement yet uncertainty. God has already moved in unexpected ways but His peace is so great, we know it’s Him.

My years of learning patience have seemed to pay off in this process. I don’t have any anxiety or impatient notions toward the process at all. I’m sure that’s in part to the fact that I have five children already and they keep me pretty busy as it is.

It’s funny–I think our mentality is quick to think that we are “rescuing some poor child from impoverished conditions”, but honestly? I think it is so much more than that. A person’s material possessions is not what makes them rich or poor. Perhaps I’m the one who’s actually poor. Maybe these children will actually be saving me from something? Myself? My own dependency on comfort and an overstuffed belly–constantly?

Adoption has a much greater purpose than the escape of material poverty.Caring for the basics needs of humanity is a beginning. In fact, it’s a foundational act of love as a Christian. It should be the very least thing that we do — it may not be in the form of adoption, but there are plenty of ways to care for the poor.

Giving and caring for the poor, the orphans, and the widows is not just answering a call, but a command. The very thought of giving into my fears and halting the adoption where we stand only puts a deeper unrest in my spirit.

I read the stories of others who have adopted before me and how the transition is going in their family and I wonder if I can really do this? Why do I want to upset this perfect little family thing we have going on?

Because we were never meant to live a life of comfort; and being this comfortable is making me very uncomfortable. God has put in us a stirring for something greater than ourselves and to ignore it leaves me very unsettled.

And all these feelings of fear and inadequacy and thoughts of discomfort are fleeting. They do not last. But they try to taunt me. They laugh at me and poke at me. But I continue on because I know God is bigger then them and bigger than me.

We aren’t adopting to fill some void in our lives. I couldn’t even tell you at this point all the reasons we are adopting because God simply hasn’t unveiled everything yet! But I trust Him. And this is where the faith walk comes in–because though I don’t know what lies ahead, I know He goes before me.

The obvious reasons are that we want to love a child who needs to be loved and provide for them their basic needs. We want to show Jesus to them and only He can meet them where they need it most. We are simply His vessels.

Can I really do this?

No. But He can.