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Today, I am so honored to share the voice of a dear friend and beautiful, godly woman with you. I met Kris at a blog conference a couple of years ago and her words have captured my heart. I hope she speaks into your life today as she has done mine. Oh, and of course you must follow her blog, Always Alleluia.
When the week piled up on me, and Friday rolled around I’d not once made it out of bed to exercise. It’s been months (oh, how that makes me cringe) since I’ve run and I can tell in every ugly way that my routine has gone slack. Friday morning before the sun and birds, I hear (and ignore) the 5AM alarm.
I have a hundred reasons why I choose sleep over sweat and the bed is warm–the house, still quiet. There’s no pausing this day, but with the covers piled up over top my face I stave it off a bit longer, and drift in and out of dreams for the next hour and a half.
Before long it’s their little voices I hear down the hall, in loud whispers that may as well be their normal voices, I hear, “Mommy’s sleeping”, and then footsteps, giggling by my bedside. I can fool them still. But there are others who know me better than that.
Hours later a friend calls to take my temperature and over miles and sound-waves, she hears my fine is not so honest and I suppose I should apologize for half-lying. I’m thankful for friends who know me underneath my false fine’s and Okay’s.
The truth is harder to tell some days.
I don’t want to be a whiner or complainer, or that girl who is always troubled and anxious, but the truth is, there’s a war raging here. I press in to the Word and before the dawn cracks her golden smile across the sky, I’ve heard hard words that remind me that this path I choose, it’s riddled with potholes to fall in, and boulder to climb over.
The cost of discipleship is what I’m talking about. This business of picking up my cross and following is so much harder than I imagined. The deeper I go into Christ, the more challenging (and rewarding) the journey becomes. There is no room for complacency.
A.W. Tozer said, “Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted.” Desiring God means we live an active faith, one that looks at a holey life and recognizes that grace can fill the holes. When we experience the fires that refine our faith, we can choose to go through the–to grow through them. ~Excerpt from Holey, Wholly, Holy: A Lenten Journey of Refinement
Motherhood is such a place of refinement–an unending tempering of my steel heart and my faith, bringing me lower, to learn to lift Christ higher.
I erroneously imagined motherhood to be some glowing place of rainbows and ice cream cones and ever obedient children. All these years into it, I’m wrestling with not only my children’s struggles against sin, but my own as well. We’re all working out our salvation as Christ refines and purifies our hearts.
I’m both teaching and learning grace among the scattering of too many toys and laundry that is never finished. The school work piles up, and there are meals to be planned and made and dresses to be repaired.
The weight of all this can crack a girl right up the middle.
And through all this we’re called to holiness. It’s a weighty calling at least. We are called to lay down our lives–and mothers, we understand sacrifice.
I thank God for the friends who understand how hard this road can be.
There is another companion who walks with us through the fire. Christ knows and bears our struggle:
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV)
There is purpose in the process.
It is not for our own glory we serve, but rather for His glory, that all might see Him in us, and praise Him rather than us ~ Holey, Wholly, Holy: A Lenten Journey of Refinement
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Kris
As a sequin-wearing, homeschooling mom of four, Kris is passionate about Jesus, people and words. When she’s not writing, she enjoys taking gratuitous pictures of her culinary creations on Instagram. Once upon a time, she ran 10 miles for Compassion International. She is the author of Holey, Wholly, Holy: A Lenten Journey of Refinement, and blogs at Always Alleluia.
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This speaks directly to my own thoughts this week. I love hearing it from another woman’s heart!
So thankful you found value here, Rachel. What a gift that is! Bless you!
Oh, the weight of being keeper of the home…..it’s been a bit heavy lately, enough to “crack” this girl “right up the middle”!
Holding on to Jesus so that I may serve my family well so that I may glorify Him. I am also so very thankful for you and other fellow mama’s that give encouragement on this journey.
Yes, heavy indeed. Ive been cracking a bit myself. Praying God’s strength for us all, as we bend to serve Him by serving our families. There is such value in a Mother’s role. (and even that is such an understatement!!) God’s strength and encouragement for you today, Laurie!!
I think perhaps mothering helps me work out my salvation more than almost anything else. I’m thankful God isn’t surprised by that. Lovely reflection this morning and if its any consolation, I was just wrestling with my to-do list and the need to exercise. You convinced me to push off the list and get out there.
I have to agree, Shelly. Nothing has been so continually refining as motherhood. I am glad you were encouraged to get up and moving. that’s such a gift!
On a day when I read harsh words on a mother’s role of sacrifice, I so appreciate your tender, honesty this morning, Kris. I don’t need to be scolded for not sacrificing enough for my babies. As mothers, it’s what we do day in and day out. We sacrifice. It’s the nature of the role.
“We are called to lay down our lives–and mothers, we understand sacrifice.”
Oh Sarah I am so sorry you read such harsh words on motherhood. Motherhood is a hard job and I count it no coincidence that today, my own journey of motherhood, has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Praying you’d know how pleased the Lord is with you, you are enough and your version of motherhood honors Him. Love you.
Called to holiness, yes … And your book is helping people on that journey. Of that, I have no doubt.
Jennifer, you are such an encouraging soul. Thank you for cheering me on, you really have no idea the weight of that blessing in my life.
XO
Oh, Kris…I am so there. The lack of self-discipline, being frustrated by my children’s sin while my own is also raging and yet I want that close walk and holiness. Thank you for your encouragement and good word. More of Him.
(I just remembered our pastor preached on serving Sunday…how quickly I forget!)
So thankful you were encouraged, Jessica. Just keep going. Let Him bring your through it. You are not alone, my friend. Praying strength and joy for you today. ((hugs))
“All these years into it, I’m wrestling with not only my children’s struggles against sin, but my own as well. We’re all working out our salvation as Christ refines and purifies our hearts.”
Yes! That! It’s hard enough to struggle with my own sin but then to add teaching and training and loving 4 little sinners, it can be a bit much by the end of the day.
Stephanie. I hear you, on every count, I hear you. I have 4 children as well, and by the end of the day, I am pretty much completely done. Thank God for new mercies. I am greedy for them.
I agree with Shelly. And Jennifer. And Laurie. And Rachael…as I thank God for you, Kris.
and pray we both feel Him pressed up tight against us today as we press on. for His glory. aim for holiness. yes…
Thank you for sharing your space, Christin!
Thank you for that prayer, Nikki. Yes, hard pressed up against Him. It is my safe-space. Love you, friend.
Beautiful, beautiful and honest. So hungry for grace and to know I am not alone.
Ashley,
You are definitely not alone. God bless you, kind friend.
Such a good post for me today. Kris, you put into words my own thoughts and feelings as I poured out to God this morning during my prayer time. I really needed this post. It’s right where I am in this making-holy-the-unholy process… Thank you for writing this.
Debbie,
I am so honored that God would use these words to encourage your heart. That speaks to his goodness and grace. Praying for you my friend, as you continue the journey, stick close to Him. He will bring you all the way through.
The truth is hard someways. He’s showing me that the raw honesty IS holiness. Active, living, worship.
I love the way He moves in our conversation. How He blesses our thumb tack in the week for this rawness. Hugs, friend.
Thank you for this. I’ve been “cracking” lately, wondering how in the world I’m going to make it. After adding a sixth baby two weeks ago, I’ve never felt more pressure or vulnerability than I do right now.
I’m crying out to God for His mercy and grace; that He’ll fill in the gaps where I cannot possibly cover. I’m worn, and thin. Bilbo Baggins says it best, “…like butter scraped over too much bread.”
Your words are such a gift.