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Today my sweet bloggy friend Brenda is guest posting and sharing some very wise council.
In our house, college football is not just a sport, it’s a fall tradition.
Every fall not only do I decorate with brown, orange, and yellow, but I also pull out the red and black. There is a combination of scarecrows and pumpkins, bulldogs and big G’s.
And the roots are deep. My husband and I went to the University of Georgia, but so did my in-laws, and then they moved right there in town, so my husband wore red and black all of his growing up years, and he also breathed it’s air.
We live in North Carolina now, but every fall we make the trip to Athens, Georgia to see our beloved Bulldogs play. If we’re not traveling, then Saturdays are reserved for afternoon football in the living room.
Until this year.
This year we are expecting our first baby the day before the biggest game of the season.
How wonderful would it be for her to come on time and be laying, dressed in red and black, in her daddy’s arm during the football game?
It would be a special memory.
This is the exact sentiment I posted on Facebook recently.
Soon after I got this response, “You will be so tired I will be impressed if you are wanting to have a football game on in your room.”
Now, I get it. I get that I have no idea what’s coming my way. I get that I have an imaginary cloud floating above my head showing me how perfect this birth experience will be and how wonderful motherhood is.
But can’t I just live in my bubble of the idyllic for a little while? Can’t I just enjoy the excitement I have about being a mom for the first time without criticism and comments and stories?
At my age, I was not oblivious of the mommy wars that exist between moms (and even people who have never been moms). The debates about natural vs. epidural, crib bumpers vs. no crib bumpers, cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers, breast vs. bottle, homeschool vs. traditional school, spanking vs. not spanking. The list goes on.
But it wasn’t until I got pregnant that I felt the effects of the looks and words and smirks when talking to other moms.
I don’t want to be like them.
Why can’t we be so confident that the decisions we make are steeped in prayer and covered with the Holy Spirit’s leading that we do not feel the need to engage in mommy wars?
That’s how I want to be.
I want to be able to say in confidence, “Well, this is what God told me I needed to do. So I’m doing it this way.”
I think that most of the time, we, as women, do not give our comments or “constructive criticism” to one another out of love.
Instead we give them out of fear.
Fear that we’re doing it wrong.
Fear that someone may be judging us.
Fear that we are less than.
We do not have to respond to each other in fear. Fear is where the enemy stays.
God has each of us on a path that is unique and special to serve the ones we have been entrusted. Our job is to be so in-tuned to that path that we don’t feel the urge to turn right or left and step onto another path or to drag other people onto our path.
Our worth comes from Him and Him alone. No longer do we have to prove it. The Cross proved it for us.
So let’s end the mommy wars with an armor of confidence. Confidence in the voice of God that guides us and leads us and never forsakes us.
Do you feel the effects of “mommy wars”? How can we as Christian women respond differently to one another?
After years of living a discontented single life, Brenda laid down her dreams and began focusing on the only One who can truly give her the desires of her heart. A few years later she found herself laying down her dreams again as her new husband had a heart transplant. Now she encourages other women to live a life surrendered to Jesus through every season – singleness, marriage, and motherhood – at her blog, Triple Braided, and on Facebook and Twitter. She is also learning to be a mommy for when she welcomes her first baby in October!
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Excellent attitude!! I was a first time mom at age 37. Considered an ‘older mom’, most of the mom’s I met and playgroups, etc…we alot younger than I was. Tempted to feel uncomfortable because of not only my age, but my faith, I decided that instead I was just going to be myself. I went to lots of playgroups and even joined a mom’s exercise group too. I was definately a bit different than everyone else. But once I decided I was going to be confident, everyone else accepted me too. I even made a couple of life long friends
So do what you feel is right for you, your baby and your family. If the football game is what is the right thing for you…then go for it. You’ll discover you have a much bigger ‘family’ then you ever realized.
Yay! I love hearing from “older moms”
I went to my first moms Bible study just to meet some ladies before baby comes, and boy was it hard! I didn’t expect to feel so out of place but I did. I plan to keep going. Your comments helped so much this morning! I will go in confidence! 
Thank you!!
GOOO DAWGS!!!!
Wow. This is so right on…the the best anti-mommy wars post I’ve read. Thank you for sharing. You are already a great mom!!
I don’t follow your blog, but I will now!
-Sarah
Thank you so much for your encouragement, and I am so happy the post was helpful!!
The saying used to be “Children don’t come with instructions”. That is no longer true. You are already finding out that there are too many instructions out there, from conflicting child raising books and beliefs. You are right to write your own instructions with God’s guidance. Use all the advice out there as resources from which to pick and choose, and don’t fully prescribe to any philosophy (unless you are really comfortable with it).
This is great advice and so helpful! Thank you so much! I love that you had your babies at 44.
By the way, I became a mom at age 44! My twin boys are now 2. Kristijoy, guess I would be the really elderly mom in your playgroups!
Congratulations! I know you’ll be so happy you made that choice! On the ‘up-side’ to be a bit older…most people assume that since I had a small child, that I was a whole lot younger than I really was! LOL!
Oh my gosh. This article is so on point!!! Thank you for sharing. I only recently started to experience this when I gave birth to our last son (m older kids are 11, 9, & 7). And suddenly I only experience it within my church family. I never responded b/c I always felt my ways were probably wrong, but it started to get to the point where I became angry and annoyed and stopped associating myself with these women. So recently I’ve decided to be true to who I am and how I parent, and this article is just a great confirmation! Thanks!
I am so glad it’s been helpful! Sometimes church circles are the worse – unfortunately. I hope to be like you and be true to my parenting too! Thank you for sharing!
I’ve been a mom a long time, and I’ve seen the mommy wars rise and fall. You’re right — confidence in our choices is the only answer. That’s easier to say than to do, though. We have to keep returning to the well of confidence we find in Christ. Great post!
You’re right! It is not easy! And I will be honest that I’ve been on the other end of having a lot of opinions – without a baby, too! But now that I’m in it I realize how important it is to just support each other. Thank you for sharing!
Amen sista!!! I’m a new mom and I get so discouraged that women can’t just get along and trust that we know what’s best for our own children! So frustrating. Sometimes I think we need to act more like men in this area. They don’t judge each about this stuff. Great post!!
Missy @ http://gracefullittlehoneybee.blogspot.com
Thank you, Missy! You’re right! Men don’t care about these things. I think our identity is just so tied up in being good moms which is understandable, but we have to find it in God to be fulfilled. So glad you shared!
Great post. I remember when the comments started. Our daughter was two weeks old and my hubby and I wanted to attend a church banquet alone. So we got a babysitter (a lady who was a nurse!) and went out for the evening. So many people questioned how I could leave my baby alone for two hours. It hurt to be judged as a young mother. My daughter is now 22 and no permanent damage from those two hours! My husband and I committed our parenting choices to God and we prayed about so many of our parenting decisions. I have to say that was the best gift we could have given our children…to listen to God and not others!!
Brenda, that is great advice – commit our choices to God. Regardless of the outcome, He will see us through them and lead us to where we need to be. Thank you for sharing your experience with me!
I love this. I have a very defiant and difficult 5 year old, due to trauma she suffered as an infant (she’s adopted). Everyone LOVES to tell me “oh that’s nothing, just wait until she’s a teen”. Why would you speak that into my life?? It’s very frustrating. Plus, we’re dealing with issues at 5 that many teens deal with so most of them we won’t have to do as a teen (says our wonderful therapist!) I never know how to reply to these people, other than “I rebuke that!”
I think that most people, just don’t really understand the impact of trauma and the unique situation adoptees are in. When we try to lump everyone in a box it just doesn’t work! One of my friends had two kids. The one that was easiest as a small child was a challenging teen. The one that was more difficult when small was an easy teen. No two kids are alike! It sounds like you are really doing all the right things to help your 5 year old get through a difficult time. You go Mom!
Tracee, this is so good for all of us to remember – there are so many factors that go into every child and situation. And the bottom line is that God is writing their story (and ours). I never know how to respond either. I think just filling our minds with truth and rebuking the comments, like you said, it is best! Many blessings to you and your sweet child!
Amen! It is sad how discouraging women can be, though that may not always be their heart’s goal. We should be building each other up and encouraging each other. We should be creating a positive attitude and mindset, not trying to pull other’s down. Negative thoughts lead to a negative lifestyle.
When I am pregnant, I hope I am able to let comments like those go in one ear and out the other — I hope God helps me to focus on His promises, rather than discouraging comments. Pregnancy especially is a time when new moms (and veteran moms) need to be built up!
Veronica, you’re right! We need to build each other up! It’s hard enough without that and there are enough negative voices in the world. Just you being aware of it will be enough for you to filter the comments when your time comes.
Thank you for sharing!
I have 4 babies (well, not so much babies anymore) and I never had a problem being ‘too tired’ after having any of them. In fact, I loaded up my 3 day old baby and my then 2 yo (while my older two were in school) and went bear hunting with my hubby. We were only riding around in the truck, but people were appalled that I would do that….I mean, she was only 3 days old for crying out loud….lol. She now is almost 4 and LOVES being in the woods, so no damage done
Some people are down and out and have hard labors but I wasn’t one of them (and I’m so thankful for that). I actually felt guilty because my friends were trying to bring me meals and they had to schedule around when I was home…lol. Here’s to hoping you’ll be able to ‘party’!!!!!
Thank you for your encouragement, Nicole!
I think it’s great that you went bear hunting! After all, you have the mother instincts you need to know what’s ok and best. Everyone’s story is so different, so I am trying to hope for the most ideal while knowing that God will give me what I need for whatever He has in store! Thank you for commenting!
Great post!! Except for the GA Bulldogs part! ;)
I live in Georgia with a house full of SC Gamecock fans! :)
Ha! Ha! You’re forgiven!
Just kidding! I’m so happy you liked it!
I am not even a mother yet and I see this – it’s something I would love to work on – set up a group to encourage each other instead of attack each other – love your work!
Wow, maybe the commenter from facebook didn’t really mean the comment quite as negatively as you took it. Just a thought. But, I do get a lot of negative comments as well and remember them well from when I was pregnant. It is frustrating.