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Winner #20 – jbirthmom Congrat’s!
Are you a good girl? You know the kind. The try hard and strive hard kind. When you lie down at night the only thing running through your mind are all the things you didn’t do, or all the things you could’ve done better.
Your expectations of yourself are high–very high. You set your own standard and as a result have become your own worst enemy. You are constantly frustrated with yourself for your own lack of perfect performance.
Rather than chasing after God, you’re chasing after perfection.
I felt shame for who I as. I had to be perfect, but I wasn’t. And that wasn’t okay.
The way I saw life was a constant battle of trying to get something I didn’t think I had, of trying to become who Jesus wanted me to be, of trying to become a better version of myself.
pg. 28
That’s me. Except in the present tense.
And these expectations carry off on to those around me–like my children.
What does good mean?
Good means I never mess up. Good means I weigh the perfect amount. Good means I can handle everything, I don’t look like a fool, and I never lose my patience. Good means my husband will never be disappointed in me, and my kids will always obey, and everyone basically likes me. Good means I am enough. My goodness is all about me.
pg. 24
Emily wrote Grace for the Good Girl for girls like me: for the girl who is striving so hard after being “good” and “acceptable” 
that she forgets to strive hard after God and accept grace. She’s afraid that if she accepts grace she is giving herself permission to mess up, so she hides. She performs. She tries really hard to avoid needing the grace she “doesn’t deserve”.
Yet, the very reason Jesus died was so that our good performance {or lack thereof} didn’t stand in the way of our relationship with Him; of being in fellowship with Him. But we make our own rules and decide God’s way is too easy, and in our thinking, anything worth having is going to take hard work. Problem is, this is impossible work.
So the good girl strives and works for that which was so costly, forgetting it is offered freely. Pleasing God because we love Him is not the issue. The issue is performing for acceptance or a “self-righteous obligation”.{pg.65}
Emily reveals the truth behind this lie, and the truth is, you are already accepted. The law does not bring life, it brings recognition of a need. Following the Law does not bring freedom; it imprisons. It hinders us from a deeper relationship with Christ because rather than chasing after Him, we’re chasing after self.
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. -Romans 8:6
“Flesh” isn’t all selfishness. Flesh is also “fear, worry, anger, hurt, revenge, lust, jealousy, and shame” {pg. 166}.
Instead set a new pattern; not a new truth, rather accept the Truth by believing His words as if He wrote them for you. {Because He did.}
When I don’t set my mind, my mind sets itself.
If I don’t actively set it, it will inactively switch into default mode. And my default setting is shame. {pg. 165}
This book has too much goodness to share it all here. Believe me, it was hard to choose which of my many highlights to share with you.
Bottom line is, if you’re that good girl looking for peace & rest from the constant striving and trying {and failing}, Emily shows you how to identify the masks, tells you how you can remove them, and learn to rest in the Grace God gifted to us so we could simply be with Him.
When we chase after Him and strive only for Him, the rest will follow through living a life of freedom and worship because you can’t help but worship the God who empowers you with Grace.
Giveaway
Today, we want to bless one good girl with a copy of Grace for the Good Girl, compliments of Revell Publishing.
Simply leave a comment sharing a brief note on Grace in your own life. Winners will be announced next Thursday.
One comment per person.
U.S. residents only.
Available September 2011 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.
I requested a copy of Grace for the Good Girl for review–I knew I needed it–and Revell agreed. This post does contain affiliate links. Please read my full disclosure.
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I can totally relate to that. I so often feel the need to be good and do everything perfectly to live up to the grace that is given to me.
As a homeschool mom people sometimes praise me for doing so. Its easy to put the “super mom” pressure on and that’s when I need grace the most.
I’ve heard so much about this book … would love to read it. I’ve always been a “good girl” – with a huge fear of letting people – and God – down. I don’t cut myself much slack – and I’m my harshest critic!
This sounds just like me!
I can absolutely relate to the premise of this book. I have a list of things that I believe will make me a good wife/mother/Christian woman. I let myself believe that if I don’t do all of those things and do them perfectly then I am a failure. God is really working on me in this area, but I still have a long way to go.
Grace is so easy to extend to others, yet so hard to extend to ourselves. I have to really work on this one.
I noticed this book while I was babysitting last week. I was immediately interested because I could immediately relate to it… Just from the cover!
I often have a challenging time showing anything other than ‘cheerful optimist’ when I’m with others, but I’m trying to get better about that. I know that God has called me to be ‘His,’ not to be ‘Perfect!’
I need to remember who I am in Him, instead of others eyes…. OliviaB is very right about our being called to “His, not to be Perfect!”
I don’t know how many times I beat myself up for not being “good” enough. I would love to win a copy of this book and finally find how to rest in the grace the Savior so willingly died to provide for us.
All of those quotes from the book make me want to cry. I’m a new mom and even though I was learning grace in my life as a wife, when I became a mom, that lesson feels like it disappeared. I don’t know how to explain the pressure that I feel to be the perfect mom. Not even for others to see, but instead for my daughter. In my head I know that it really isn’t how great of a parent I am, but how great a God I serve. I’ve heard of this book a couple times before, but this post makes me realize I should probably get a copy some way or another soon. I so need God’s grace to rain down on me right now.
This is such a great post! I lay in bed at night and have a mental checklist of all the things I failed at during the day. I homeschool three kids and am always striving for the perfectly balanced life. And being the perfectly balanced wife. I am very interested in this book. God’s grace brought me to this post!
This books looks like it was written just for me! I struggle with this issue sooo much, wanting to have a perfectly clean house, have the laundry always caught up, etc., that I fail to make my relationship better with God. I want to rest in His grace more. Even if I don’t win this book, I think I may buy it, it sounds wonderful and refreshing!
Lately, I am seeing a theme of grace in what I read and see around me. Every thing I hear about this book makes me want to read it…sounds just like me.
Wow. I think this book was written just for me! It really goes along with the post I wrote for Better Mom yesterday, too. I would love to have a chance to read it! I’ve been looking around your blog and love it.
Keep up the great work!
Whew….the part in the video that struck me was when Emily said this is not a “doing book” but a “believing book”. I’m a do-er and a good girl –I think I would learn a lot from this book.
Oh! I so wanted to buy this book at our local Christian bookstore a few weeks ago, but just couldn’t justify spending the money at that time! It would be wonderful to win!
I would love to read this book! I’m learning to rely more and more on God’s fresh grace each day…it’s not about me…but all about HIM!
Oh my- as the mother of 5 kids aged 5 and under, I experience God’s grace quite often!!! He is Soooo good and faithful!
Grace in parenting and in marriage all the time. God is good.
preciousmoments2004 AT gmail DOT com
What is the good girl comment to this book? I like that a women’s life is hidden in Christ and that there is a safe place.
Most evenings when I go to bed I start talking to God so I drown out the voice the pipes up when the lights go out. The voice that points out everything I didn’t do, everything I didn’t do right, & everything I could’ve done better. For the longest time that was the only voice I heard & always had something to say. Now there is answering Voice. A Voice full of Grace & Mercy. A Voice that reminds me how loved & precious I am. I still hear the old voice, but the new voice always has an answer!
Grace is for those days when I feel like all I’ve done is yelled at my son, snubbed my husband and the house is in shambles around me. Grace is for those days I’ve barely had the energy to make it off the couch because I couldn’t sleep the night before from worrying about too many things beyond my control. Grace is knowing that no matter what I am loved even when things aren’t perfect.
Grace is for those days when I feel like all I’ve done is yelled at my son, snubbed my husband and the house is in shambles around me. Grace is for those days I’ve barely had the energy to make it off the couch because I couldn’t sleep the night before from worrying about too many things beyond my control. Grace is knowing that no matter what I am loved even when things aren’t perfect.
I struggle with grace daily. With homeschooling five boys, from tot to teen, there is just no way I can keep up with everything that I am responsible for and I feel inadequate because of it. Those feelings of inadequacy spill over into my relationships and show up as fear and anger. Having been a good girl all of my life, I have a driving desire to do things the “right” way, which is whatever way I have determined is the best. I am definitely “that good girl looking for peace and rest from the constant striving and trying {and failing}.”
Grace is a place I hope to finally rest in with my daily life. Grace is something my husband exhibits preciously and I envy it when he has it for me when my organized day became frayed and worn before my eyes. When my plans and intentions gave way to anxiety and frustrations. I am absolutely a good girl and I can completely relate to Emily in her video.
I have always felt like I was striving.I would even ask myself why am I striving so hard. I look at other women and compare myself and I always fall short. I get so frustrated with myself. I feel like I have to have a perfect house, perfect kids, and never have problems. Never loose my cool ect.. I lay in bed at night and feel like I let God down. I find myself constantly repenting, sometime of the same things.
It has been recently that God showed me I need to know who I am in Christ, realize how much he loves me and that his grace is sufficient. Just reading the exert from the book has really confirmed what God is showing me.