Two “Me Time” Extremes (part 1)

As a mother, so much is required of us. Let’s face it, mothering is not easy. Rewarding, yes. Easy? Far from it.

It empties us regularly. Not of fulfillment. Of rest. Of clear thought.

Many of us have been taught one of two things about “me time“. You know, the time we believe is entitled to us…or not.

1. We believe that we deserve “me time” based on how hard we’ve worked, how many hours we’ve put in, and the stress our “job” as a mother puts on us. After all, we’ve earned it.

or

2. We are fully against the “me time myth” and believe it’s an extreme act of selfishness for any mother to desire such a thing.

Today I want to show you why both these extremes are unhealthy.

For the first extreme, believing we’re entitled to this time for ourselves, it’s easy to see how we can fall into such a trap. I mean, we do work extremely hard and deserve a break, right? Well, yes, this is true. But we have to be careful how we set our minds on this. When we believe we are entitled to, have earned or deserve something, we can get very upset when we don’t get it. This can put our family in a foul position. They become the target of our irritability when we don’t get what we want. In fact, sometimes we can actually blame them or become bitter toward them because we feel as if they are the reason for our “need” of me time and possibly the result of not getting it at times.

Additionally, when we do get our “me time”, what we have chosen to do was not very productive in “filling our tank”, so we begin to need “me time” more often. We indulge in our flesh and it is never satisfied. Our need of “me time” is focused on only ourselves and satisfying it’s desires {which actually are never satisfied}. No matter how much time we got, it wouldn’t be enough.

This becomes a dangerous breeding ground for selfishness. This “me time” can become such an idol that all we can think about is the next time we’ll get some. It becomes an addiction. It lacks substance so it’s not truly fulfilling.

On the other hand, some of us completely reject “me time”. We claim the need is a total myth.  Any woman who felt she “needed” this me time was just being selfish and trying to feed her own desires. God put us into this role and we should not try to “escape” it. We are to put our children and husband first and learn to sacrifice. It is absurd to think that mothers need a break.

Or the idea of it being refreshing is a myth. Even after going out, we would come home, with nothing changed. The mess was still there. The children still needed discipline, training, attention. Meals still need preparing. It only leaves us wanting to walk back out the door again.

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I disagree with both of these “me time” extremes. Neither one is healthy. Either we’re “over eating” or we’re “starving” ourselves.

In order for “me time” to be healthy, it must be productive.

For starters, let’s scrap the phrase “me time”. Just call it something else. Peace time. Something that doesn’t put the focus on “me”. Because although it is a time of solitude, it is still not about us.

So, what does a productive “peace time” look like, and what’s it about? Read part 2 here.

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